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The current year signifies a full decade since the word “disappearing” hit the common lexicon. At the time, the idea that someone could suddenly stop contact with a lover without explanation seemed like the pinnacle of disrespect. How naive we were. In the ten-year span since, finding a mate has only become more perplexing – an oftentimes unsuccessful endeavor in embarrassment that is increasingly pigeonholed by online jargon.

Gen Z, a generation who matured during a social isolation epidemic, a masculinity crisis, and a widespread attack on the freedoms of women and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a significantly more chaotic landscape than their millennial elders could ever imagine. And so their dating lexicon has grown more extensive and more bizarre, with phrases like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” pushing the boundaries of your mental fortitude.

The following list is a extensive glossary to the terms gen Z is using to navigate love, intimacy and the search of both. To channel one of the year’s most viral online sayings, by the conclusion of this list you’ll yearn to get back to simpler times – because where that is, it doesn’t have “ideological catfishing”.

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A

Authenticity – For Zoomers, romance's ultimate goal is showing up as your real, unvarnished self. Good luck with that!

The Letter B

Feathered friend test – A online phenomenon connected to a framework developed by couples researchers, in which you mention something trivial – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and pay attention to whether your partner’s reply is interested or disinterested. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Mysterious girlfriend – Gen Z’s answer to the “manic pixie dream girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but instead of having short fringe, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend puts herself first while radiating enigma and self-sufficiency. (She might still have baby bangs.)

The Letter C

Seat theory – This refers to going for someone who helps you without being asked. If you entered a room, they would pull up a seat for you to sit down.

Choremance – A meet-up where two people connect while doing chores, such as pet care or grocery shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped young adults do low-cost dating in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Crashing out – Having a breakdown when you feel swamped by life. You can lose it over a infatuation or breakup, spilling all of your (unrequited) emotions.

The Letter D

Dink – Dual income no kids. Once a marker of 80s yuppie excess, it describes partners who opt out of parenthood to focus on their own well-being. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Emotional vibe coding – The antithesis of acting aloof: practicing communication, honesty and vulnerability.

The Letter F

Signals

• Danger signals – Personal traits suggesting a potential partner is trouble. Such as calling their former partners unstable, bad gratuity habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Good indicators – These actions affirm your decision to pursue a mate. For instance checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal phone use, having a proper bed …
• Odd but harmless traits – These typically describe specific, mostly harmless quirks. Such as being an keen birdwatcher, still keeping a biro in their wallet, paying the rent in physical money …

Niche bonding – When you meet someone who’s just as passionate about films about the second world war or DVD collecting or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who hates the same stuff or individuals that you do (few things fosters intimacy faster than having a common enemy).

The Letter G

Geese – A musical group a typical Zoomer guy listens to.

Zombie-ing – Someone who pops back into your life after a period of silence.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and loyal. The rare partner who is liked by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's opposite.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online community of men so fixated with masturbation that they attempt extended sessions, deliberately postponing climax so they can continue as long as possible.

The Letter H

Pessimistic straight dating – A phenomenon describing many women’s increasing cynicism toward straight relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Manosphere archetype – An ideal touted by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and happily domestic, who apparently has no ambitions of her own aside from satisfying her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Turn-offs – Arbitrary and often mundane dealbreakers that instantly kill any sense of desire.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else receive an incredibly romantic display.

J

Professions – These have not been this important in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “banker” is the ideal partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will provide (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd opt for partners in fields they see as being staffed by the more caring among us: nurses, teachers or therapists.

The Letter K

Kissing – This year, scientists learned that kissing has been around for 16m years. But the days of locking lips may be limited since some gen Z want fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy authentic.

Light catfishing – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more important than it is. Also known as {